Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Boobs speak an international language.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
