im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
