While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
