why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
