I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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