Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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