i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
