I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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