his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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