My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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