just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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