ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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