Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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