Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
