I just cut my nipple shaving
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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