Non-Jews are for practice
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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