So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
