i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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