Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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