i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
