i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
