I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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