I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
