I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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