i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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