Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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