Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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