What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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