no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
