We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
