i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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