Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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