remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
