oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
