Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
