matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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