Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize