she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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