I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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