EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
