He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
