I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
