DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
