I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's the barista slut.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
