I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize