let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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