I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did we literally take a cab across the street
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The power of my boobs compel you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
