I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
