God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
