You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
