carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
