There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
