so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
