my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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