Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
