Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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