I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
