My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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