I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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