So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
