I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
