I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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