I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
