I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
