Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
