Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
