I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
