Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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