You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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