I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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