Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
