The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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