My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
