Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize