Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
