I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
