Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize