You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
