I want to have your abortion
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
