I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
