Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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