i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
