I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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