My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
