I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
