bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
