you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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