wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
