she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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