I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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