She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
