Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
