im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
