I puked a lego.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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