Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
