he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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