He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
