if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
