never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
