Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
