I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
