I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
