i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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