Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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