hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she told me i tasted like america
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
