I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
