Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
