im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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