Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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