I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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