She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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