i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
